I roamed down the creaking stairs with my toasty cup of coffee in my hands. It was a very blustery, wild day, mysterious you can say. As I strolled towards my desk reaching for my laptop, something behind me caught my attention. A dark black, horrifying creature. Suddenly it appeared again, and this time it roamed around my house. What could this demon figure be doing at my house? I followed it thinking I would find out what it was doing. But, I lost track of it. I looked in front and behind! Which way? Was my mind playing jokes on me? Did this really happen? Am I dreaming?
Monday 9 January 2017
I looked in front and behind! Which way?
I roamed down the creaking stairs with my toasty cup of coffee in my hands. It was a very blustery, wild day, mysterious you can say. As I strolled towards my desk reaching for my laptop, something behind me caught my attention. A dark black, horrifying creature. Suddenly it appeared again, and this time it roamed around my house. What could this demon figure be doing at my house? I followed it thinking I would find out what it was doing. But, I lost track of it. I looked in front and behind! Which way? Was my mind playing jokes on me? Did this really happen? Am I dreaming?
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You have a great story its just one thing instead of, 'something makes me glance back'. You should do 'made me glance back'.
ReplyDeleteinstead of writing 'something made me glance back' i think it would make more sense if you wrote ' something behind me caught my attention' and amazing story
ReplyDeleteGreat story but when you wrote "But, I lost track of it I looked in front and behind! Which way?" You can put a period between it and I. So the sentence states "But I lost track of it." and then continued on with your sentence. Also for "It was a very blustery, wild day, mysterious you can say." maybe you should say "It was a very blustery, wild, mysterious day you can say. Overall great story.
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