The little girl
A little girl walked down the sidewalk, she
seemed rather strange. She wore bright neon orange tights with a green raincoat
and pink boots. But she was incredibly beautiful with long, silky, brown hair.
But this child was not happy, she seemed worried. She dragged a stick back and fourth on the side walk. I went up to her
and asked,” What happened? Why do you seem so sad?”
The little girl hesitated, "I’m looking for
a cop, my parents abuse me and I have all the proof in this camera.”
I paused, I never realized how hard a child’s life can be. I thought not having wifi was hard.
I think you should add more periods.
ReplyDeleteYou can not have contractions, you have to change wasn't to was not.
ReplyDeleteAdd a period after worried.
ReplyDelete(I went up to her and asked, "what happened, why do you seem sad?") You need to start a new paragraph when someone talks.
At your last paragraph, you need a comma after paused.
Thank you
DeleteAdd a comma after orange tights, but good story.
ReplyDelete